Engine Addiction Crisis

By Staff

3478 Haas Road, Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio 44223

It has recently come to my attention that a new addiction seems
to be increasing and causing untold crises in the American family.
This addiction, as with many others, is supported by a family which
enables the addiction. As a ‘public service’, I would like
to list below the warning signs for the addiction and signs that a
family may be aiding or enabling the victim. The addiction, as you
may have guessed as a reader of this magazine, is Gas
Engin-holism.

YOU MAY BE ADDICTED TO OLD GAS ENGINES IF:

You told your family that the engine you bought is the last one
you will buy-for the third time.

You start hanging around with people who use a different
language such as Foos, magneto, flywheel, etc.

You begin to dream of vacationing in exotic places like
Portland, Indiana rather than Hawaii.

Your favorite colors are red and green (and it’s not even
Christmas).

You can vocally imitate at least three different engines.

You begin choosing your friends by their initial reaction to
your engine collection.

There is no one who has met you that doesn’t know you own an
old engine.

You talk to your engines.

You think they hear you.

You get teary-eyed when you read stories of people who
scrapped-out an old engine.

You find yourself looking for flywheels in every field you pass
by and you are especially attracted to barns surrounded by large
piles of junk.

YOU MAY BE ENABLING AN ADDICT IF:

They tell you they bought their last engine, and you believe
it.

You find Brasso on your shopping list frequently and you buy
it.

You buy them presents which have engine logos on them.

You hear your husband say ‘goodnight sweetheart’ as he
leaves the garage and you know there is not another woman.

You hear the names Simplicity and Detroit and you no longer
think of sewing patterns or a city in Michigan.

You no longer ask if there will be a flea market when your
husband asks you to go to an engine show with him.

You and your children wear tennis shoes at all times so if you
hear an engine start you can run out and see it before it
stops.

 You write an article for a gas engine publication!

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Preserving the History of Internal Combustion Engines