130 Serpentine Drive Bayville, New Jersey 08721
REASON # 10:
You can brag to your friends that you drove in New Jersey and lived to tell about it. So far, we have had four out-of-state drivers that can make that claim.
You will see history being made as Bill Hyers attempts to communicate with other life forms from outer space. You may recall our previous report on his hit and miss time machine. Bill is now involved with SETI. (The Search for Extra Terrestrial Inbreeding). He has built what he calls his 'outer space communicator.' This consists of an old lightning rod bolted to the center of a discarded harrow disc. This is wired up to an old vacuum tube radio powered by a dynamo that is belted to a 1908 Shivers & Knox engine. He is going to aim it towards Alpha Centauri (he believes that he may have a distant cousin from there), and he'll be mumbling incoherently into a pair of headphones all day. The club members have convinced him that he would get better reception if an eight-foot fence was erected around him and his display. If you visit Batsto, stop by and see Bill in action, but please don't rattle the cage, this makes him very agitated.
Club secretary Bill Fairgrieve will be there with a beautifully restored Farmall Cub. He has graciously permitted us to use it as a paintball target. Guess what color the paintballs will be? (Hint: it ain't red.)
Greenhouse John Klusman will be parting out his lifetime collection of John Deere tractors. Due to his allergy to dried paint, his entire collection is in its natural state. This consists of numerous boxes filled with rust particles with various labels such as 'Fender' or 'Hood,' or in some cases 'Complete Tractor.'
After the show, you can go to nearby Atlantic City and make lots of money. Here's the plan: haul your engine onto any casino gambling floor (but first have it painted with cherries, lemons, and bells). You will be amazed at how many people will throw money into the hopper and pull the crank hoping to hit the jackpot. If you don't believe this will work, consider how much cash we as collectors throw into them!
You will get to see Jan Conover's demonstration of freestyle swimming. Jan will be operating his Stover-powered mud pump display. Word has it that poor Jan not only fell out of the stupid tree, but hit a few branches on the way down. It seems that whenever he starts the pump, this giant tide of water sweeps over him. It's kind of fun to watch him swimming upstream like a salmon in spawn until he gets things under control.
It never rains in New Jersey. We're not sure what that stuff is that falls from the sky, but we're pretty sure it's not rain.
You get to view a public electrocution. I suppose an explanation is necessary. Several years ago, one of the club members made a bet with yours truly that my tongue would freeze to the high tension wire of a buzz coil. Knowing an easy five dollars when I saw it, I accepted the bet. Our legal advisor, Bud Borden, quickly drafted a waiver of liability for me to sign. Needless to say, I won the bet, and the club members agreed that it was five dollars well spent for an hour's entertainment.
Unfortunately, the old adage, 'Once bitten, twice shy,' does not apply here. I repeatedly get 'jump started' about once every half hour. I am told that the effects are quite special when viewed after dark. If you want to find my demonstration, just head toward the screams.
You can view club president Fred Clayton's display of collectible toy tractors, trucks, and cars. For added fun, he will probably let you play in the sand with them.
(And this is legitimate) you'll find Batsto to be one of the most enjoyable shows on the East Coast. The Pinelands Antique Engine Association would like you to experience a beautiful fall day at Historic Batsto Village. The date is Sunday, October 15, 2000. For more information, contact me, Bob Miller, at (732) 350-5300 or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.