THE FLIVVER

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Komoka, Ontario, Canada

I'm an old and rusty flivver
And it makes me very sad
When I recall the miles I've went,
And the good times that I've had.

No paved roads on which to drive
The mud holes were a plenty
It was so rough that no one dared,
To drive me over twenty.

I once was new and shining
And I ran just like a top
When the dealer came and got me
And drove me to his shop.

That was where the fun began
When a farmer came to town
Now if I recall correctly
They called him Ebeneezer Brown.

Ebeneezer had no notion
That he'd ever own a flivver
He lived a good ten miles from town
On a farm across the river.

Now a salesman saw Eb coming
And figured it would be a good trick
If he could sell a new flivver
To this backwoods country hick.

So the salesman really poured it on
And before Ed hardly knew it
He'd mortgaged the farm for a bundle of cash
And on this flivver blew it.

The sale man said, 'Now look here Eb
You first retard the spark
Turn on the key and pull the crank
Till the engine starts to bark.

Then very quickly rush around
And climb in through the door,
As you firmly grasp the steering wheel
Shove the clutch down to the floor.'

So Eb done just as he was told
And away from the salesman quickly rolled
He was soon out of sight of the dealer's shop
With no instructions on how to stop.

There was Eb the farmer, &. me the flivver
Heading for home across the river
The poor guy really hadn't a clue,
T' was a frightening thing for a man to do.

Dogs ran barking on either side
Till poor old Eb was fit to be tied,
The chickens were flying, one got in a flap,
And laid an egg in the driver's lap.

At last the river hove into view
And Eb, not knowing what else to do
Picked his feet up off of the floor
And headed straight, for the opposite shore

The water was cold, I started to shiver
As soon as we hit the bloom in' river,
It was lucky there was lots of gas in the tank
We were a long time reaching the other bank.

We got to the farm and into the yard
It had clouded up &. was raining hard,
We ran over a duck or 'twas maybe a drake
The yard was nothing but one big lake.

Around the barn was like Noah's ark
We circled until it was getting dark
Eb said, I can't keep this up all day,
So he steered me into a stack of hay.

So now we come to the final part
Like the age old adage of the horse & the cart,
You should know how to stop
Before you start.

A lot has happened down through the years
I've had several new pistons & lots of gears
Some time I'll tell you about the day
That Eb went court in' Lula Mae.